Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
