I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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