I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
