i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
