If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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