I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
