all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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