I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
