Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When are your genitals available?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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