the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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