awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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