everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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