Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
