I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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