Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
