Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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