I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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