I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
