Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
