If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
