She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
