I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
