At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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