Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
