wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
