If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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