Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
