apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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