I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
