Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
