Yo dont text me then not text me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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