Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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