A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
