Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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