I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
