This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
