I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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