I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
