I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
