I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
