Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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