I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
