i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
