I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
