i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
