the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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