Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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