Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
