I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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