I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
soo... how was my night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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